Trying to Conceive “TTC” Sex can suck here’s why:

Timed intercourse.  If you didn’t know the definition of it, you would probably think that it meant having sex and timing it for your best record time.  I wish it was something fun like that! For those who are just starting to try to conceive, “timed intercourse” is intentionally having intercourse while the woman is in her “fertile window” to try to conceive a baby. The “fertile window” is the 6 days of the month when a woman is near ovulation and is her most fertile. It begins about 5 days prior to ovulation and lasts until the day of ovulation.

Let’s briefly discuss how to know when you ovulate just to get that out of the way.  Your “cycle” as they call it, is the length of days it takes for your period to come since the first day of your last period. Typically, a woman’s cycle is 28-32 days long. Ovulation occurs midway through the cycle. If you have a 28-day cycle, you ovulate right in the middle of the cycle at day 14. Just divide the length of days by 2. If this is you and your cycle is 28 days, your fertile window would be days 9-14.  If your period is irregular, its even harder to track ovulation.  A period app and ovulation tests are a must, if you’re TTC and have irregular cycles.

All this calculation and thinking is giving me a nervous breakdown! Case in point, “timed intercourse” is exactly that.  Sometimes nervous and always calculated.  If you have a super busy schedule working and other kids, you literally have to pencil in time for timed intercourse. I joked with my husband about sending a google meet calendar invite for our “scheduled night” together.  He hated it, but I found it hysterical.  With that being said, all spontaneity pretty much gets thrown out the window.

If you have been trying to conceive for a while, timed intercourse can feel like a chore instead of lovemaking. Getting negative pregnancy tests month after month of trying can leave a couple feeling as if they have failed at the whole process of baby making. Most people don’t have a Pollyanna approach of viewing the world.

How can we pivot from this pressure to perform and succeed?

Here are some tips to keep the romance alive:

-Instead of telling your partner your ovulating and need to have sex that day, rephrase the delivery of the question.  Ask your partner to something like “hey let’s spend some time together tonight.” You can even get creative for the way you ask to something like: “hey babe, let’s do it tonight!” Or whatever feels comfortable to you.

-Another strategy is don’t even ask him! Just surprise him with and on the spot lovemaking sesh. If you are really in a hurry to get pregnant, and you know your ovulating, just find time right when you both wake up. That way first thing in the morning, you mark baby making right off your “to do” list if you will. Plus, its usually the best time for a man, with his blood is flow to the nether regions. As a bonus, you’re both relaxed when you are just waking up.

-The good thing about the Cupid, is that with the “on the down low” method, even though you both are ready to conceive, you can keep the mystery alive by placing the cup in the restroom after you two are done.

-Dress up special.  You may not be going out on dates as much and may not have the opportunity to dress up for your partner. Outfits and dinners can add up quick.  Try lingerie, if you haven’t already. I found that Amazon has cheap lingerie under $15 for an outfit. I found after so many months of trying, that dressing up broke up the monotony of it all. You would think that dressing in lingerie would be for your man or woman, but actually you may be surprised about how sexy you feel when you’re wearing it.  Trying different colors out and rotating the colors helped for me. As an added bonus, you can choose lingerie that hides what you want to hide, and accentuates what you like about your body.

-Some couples are even just scheduling at home artificial insemination. They are so intent on getting pregnant, that they just take all the guess work out and plan on at home insemination for a couple days out of the month. That way they take care of this need, and the rest of the month they can relax and enjoy their usual love making routine. This is especially necessary if one of the partners is traveling a lot. The Cupid kit is really the quickie at home insemination kit, there are no extra steps. It truly is a One step process and uniquely saves sperm.

No matter how long you have been trying, if you want to up your odds of conceiving this month, timed intercourse will help.  Your odds of conceiving without timing are around 16% and with timing are up to 33%.

The stats don’t lie, but you can! What I mean by this is, instead of nagging or insisting to your partner that you consummate on this day or at that time, try a different delivery like we touched on earilier. I really wish I would have taken this advice, and enjoyed consummating a little more.  We were both married for the second time and I was approaching 35, and he 40. We felt like we were in some kind of race. After we finally conceived over a year later, we thought about how we could have done things different.

Most gynecologists recommend that you only need to have sex every other day the week you are ovulating. Sperm can survive up to 5 days in the vaginal canal.  You don’t want to get burned out by trying to conceive too much.

Last, you may ask, is it essential to have an orgasm? Well, yes for heterosexual couples it is essential for the man, but not essential for women.  There are no current research studies about orgasms helping women to conceive, but some scientists believe the vaginal contractions create a sort of vacuum motion that could help the sperm go in the direction it needs to go.  You may feel tense or some pressure to have the perfect baby making session while TTC. Most of us would agree overthinking having an orgasm seems to make it go hide!

With the Cupid, I will let you know that it is not essential that you have intercourse, after all it is also intended for sperm donors and inclusive to all couples or singles!  As long as the sperm lands in the cup you are good to go, for the “love in a cup” method. Some men, especially if they’re feeling discouraged after loss or struggling to conceive, may find it harder for themselves to perform. We definitely are inclusive to all people and their unique journeys to conception here at Cupid. We were made for this! We just want to help ease your journey to conception.

So there you go, we have laid it all out on the table. We honor your unique journey to baby. We hope that this message has lightened the load of the “trying” part. If your struggling to conceive and need resources, check out Resolve.org.  They have so many options to help!

Happy conceiving!